Internet chatrooms were today 'abuzz' with the news that Simon Willis (26) from Winchester, Hants has now made friends with the whole world via social networking site Facebook.
"I just started contacting people at random on my parent's computer. After a day and a half of contacting total strangers I found I had 500 'friends' so I just carried on. Still, not everyone's as lucky as me. I saw one girl who only had 30 on her page - people she knew from school or university plus some others she's clearly worked with, even some family members! - I felt so sorry for her!"
Mr Willis's achievement was initially met with positive feedback from the site, as it mean't that everyone gained an extra 'friend' without actually having to contact anyone directly - the number of Facebook 'friends' a person has, of course, being directly proportional to their sense of self importance and superiority. However, experts are predicting a backlash. As one commentator put it "Facebook demands variation! If everyone had the same Facebook 'friends' how on earth would the sites users get any sense of their own popularity? The whole point of Facebook would cease to exist!"
Simon now plans to take a prolonged break from Facebook in order to buy total crap he really doesn't need on ebay. After that he plans to contact everyone again through Friends Reunited. As he himself puts it: "I've never felt such a sense of shallow popularity. It's a dream come true!"