Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 26 July 2007

image for Tour de France In Disarray As 'Clean Rider' Is Discovered
Riders are in uproar

The Tour de France cycle race was thrown into more chaos last night when it was discovered that one of the cyclists was completely free from drugs.

The race, which takes place in France, is the most gruelling test of endurance known to man, and can only be undertaken by riders who have been absolutely 'drugged to the gills'.

In days gone by, all competitors rode without 'chemical help', but nowadays, as if it were a reflection of the sad state of sport elsewhere, and of society in general, the event has undergone a radical change.

Most, if not all, of le Tour team sponsors are, in fact, drug companies or financial institutions, or both. Many, including Codifis, Banco de Colombia and Credit Narcotico, are all established sponsors involved with the race.

Alain Fikse of the Amyl Nitrate team, said:

"It's a shambles! How on earth did this guy expect to get to Paris without drugs?"

Others were just as critical. Helmut Schwein of the German Zyklon-B team, said:

"Ja! Unglaublich! You haf to take your 3 'Shredded Vheat' in ze morning, ja?"

Tour officials said the 'clean' rider, who has not yet been named, has been suspended from the race pending the results of a second urine sample. If found uncontaminated, the cyclist will be given counselling, guidance, advice and some mild steroids to get him 'back in the saddle'.

The race ends on the Champs-Elysses in Paris on July 29th. The winner will receive a healthy cash prize and a tasteful false-bottomed luggage set.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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