Written by Johnny Ovaltine
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Sunday, 22 July 2007

image for Last Cannibal Woman Dies of Tooth Decay
Unganame Undeh-unde Smith

A 98 year old cannibal woman from the Chupacabra tribe has finally passed on. After many years in the mountains of Kilamanjaro, the woman's teeth had become useless because of chewing gum with too much sugar.

The toothless woman was finally interviewed when her last canine fell out because she no longer posed a threat to reporters. "I always knew that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommended sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum but I didn't care, I was a rebel", said Unganamame Undeh-unde Smith.

Apparently, the Chupacabra population had begun to decline when a team of scientists from Havard University had ventured into the wilderness to study the tribe in their own habitat. "That was the beginning of the end", said Unganamame. "One of those tasty boys brought a battery powered TV/VCR combo with him and a copy of that old movie by Linda Lovelace. Well, one thing led to another and all the men wanted to try out what they saw in the movie. It was a bloody disaster. Yes, we're women but, we're cannibals too darnit!", she exclaimed with tears in her eyes.

The men were no longer capable of procreation because they were missing that critical element necessary, a penis. It was only a matter of time until boredom ensued and they began chewing gum to pass the time. It's believed that the gum came from a 52 foot tractor trailer full of Bubbalicious that was trying out a short-cut for the TV series, The Great Race.

The team of scientists from Harvard were never heard from again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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