The Italian city of Venice, known as the "Venice of the South", after Amsterdam the "Venice of the North", and Stockholm the "Venice of the even further North", has been sinking slowly for hundreds of years. But recently an influx of overweight American tourists has accelerated the problem to such an extent that now the iconic St. Marks Square is to be renamed St. Marks Lake, which is now permanently a couple in inches below the rising water line.
In recent years all the gondola's had to be replaced and strengthened due to them often sinking straight to the bottom of the canals when boarded by the XXXL American tourists.
One local restaurant owner commented, "Ona one hand, itsa good for business, asa the Americans eata mucha bigger pizza. But, eacha year they come, they are bigger! Venice she'sa sinking!"
This "The Spoof" reporter travelled to Venice to investigate this story further and can faithfully report that the food is indeed fit for an American fatty. Sampling many gastronomic delights over an extended trip, in order to thoroughly investigate the breaking news, I can say without fear of contradiction that I am well and truly stuffed.
Further I can attest to the fact that since my arrival a few days ago the water line has risen to my knees in St Marks Lake. At this rate Venice will have disappeared under its filthy water within a month!