In his first interview since Gordon Brown made him Foreign Minister, Sir Mark Malloch Brown says his British cabinet collegues should smoke weed and dance like gays, particularly in the international arena.
The suggestion in French newspaper Le Monde came after Malloch Brown, the former Deputy-Secretary General of the United Nations, blasted British foreign policy as an out-moded heterosexual manhood construct that "lacked flexibility" and "did nothing for peace, or love for one's fellow man."
Malloch Brown outlined new gay reforms for British foreign policy, which he claimed were the result of a marathon 10 hour cannabis-fueled brainstorming with Prime Minister Gordon Brown, David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, and Al Gore, the former Vice-President of the United States.
The new British approach to world affairs is set to move Britain well away from the stiff posturing of the Tony Blair era, where Blair's cocky swaggering about the world stage with United States President George Bush embarrassed Britain among the fraternity of nations.
"The focus now is shifting gear to weapons inspections, and lots of them, mostly of big American armour, and concurrently the empowerment of the United Nations to tighten the bondage of International law".
Other ideas include international summits that would feature very gay dancing. Political leaders with floppy wrists and a wardrobe full of spandex tights, Malloch Brown argued, would "never" start a war.
"When I was deputy secretary to Kofi" (Annan, former Secretary-General of the United Nations), he reflected, "we never started wars because we were too busy ramming America up the ass, like gays. Britain needs to do that too, now, and we aim to make sure that gay spirit exists at all levels of government, not just foreign policy."