Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: Food

Wednesday, 18 February 2004

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London, England -- The authors of a new book are taking a revolutionary approach to weight loss. Ima Kwak, MD and Dipsy A. Doodle, MD PHD FAATIE propose that it is food that makes people fat. They encourage people to follow a no-food diet which includes lots of fiber, in the way of such items as cardboard, plastic, paper, styrofoam and gum.

The book, which is entitled No Food, No Fat contends that a person can lose over 100 lbs within six months if they read, then eat, their book.

"We were just tired of reading all these stupid studies that had no basis in fact. We tried all the diets, the low-carb, high-carb, no-carb, and so forth. We saw that people were not losing weight fast enough or able to keep it off. Our diet takes all the guesswork out of your life. It's easy and it works." Dr. Kwak announced to a stunned room of obese individuals who had just finished reading her book.

"But don't you need food to survive?" One 350 lb gentleman stood up to ask.

"No. Food makes you fat. Look at you. You eat food, obviously. So, you are fat. Look at me. I eat plastic and paper and chase it down with water and vinegar. I am thin." Dr. Kwak contended.

The man sat down and began to chew on the book.

Currently, this book has been deemed "hogwash" by every major medical society in the world as well as the food industry and a bunch of other important sounding associations and societies.

This has not slowed sales of the book, which is now #1 on the bestseller lists throughout the industrialized world.

The doctors are already planning a cookbook that's due out in stores next December.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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