SEATTLE, WA - A 73 year-old man was arrested last night after buying a spatula at a local grocery store.
Allen P. Khida, a native of Seattle, was arrested and taken into custody shortly after 7pm. He was interrogated by Homeland Security, FBI, and the National Security Agency for twelve hours before his release this morning.
"Those goddam whipper-snapping bastards," Khida said at a press conference this afternoon in the front yard of his home in Sheer Hills. "What, what in the name of all that's Holy, is someone gonna do with a goddam $1.29 plastic spatula? Maybe they thought I'd flapjack someone to death! Something's gotta be wrong when a seventy-three-year-old man can't buy a goddam spatula to make goddam pancakes, by crackie!"
Mr. Khida also said that he enjoys pancakes for breakfast, and after his old spatula broke yesterday morning, he needed to buy a new one.
DHS and FBI tracked his purchase by computer link to stores, which were put into place after President Bush signed the Patriot Act after 9/11.
"I'll boot their asses back to DC, the damn Corrupt Bastards," Khida said as he left his yard after the interview.
Security Czar, Michael Chertoff, had a 'gut feeling' about Mr. Khida from the start. "His name is Allen P. Khida. Get it? 'Al Khida'? And there are a lot of horrible things that can be done with a spatula."
Chertoff said that his 'gut feelings' have been reduced after several good bowel movements and a host of 'radical' bowel-cleansing treatments, including kerosene enemas.
Copyright 2007 Aces-high