Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 11 July 2007

image for Heathrow Baggage Handlers Struggling To Pilfer Timeously
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Management at Heathrow Airport have taken on an extra one hundred baggage-handling staff to 'rifle through' a backlog of thousands of items of luggage that has accumulated as a result of the recent terrorist outrage at Glasgow Airport.

Security services have said that there is no immediate threat to airline travellers, but British Airways have told passengers that, because of the backlog, their belongings may well arrive at their destination 'untampered with' as handlers "just haven't had the time".

Heathrow, or Thiefrow, as it is known in the industry, is the Airport Pilfering capital of the world, and more than two million passengers a year claim to have had their bags interfered with. Staff there pride themselves on their skill and cunning in being able to steal anything once carefully-packed baggage has been checked-in.

Baggage supervisor Mustafa Look blamed the Terminal 4 security alert, the 'burning jeep' incident at Glasgow, bad weather and the price of milk for their shortcomings.

"It's been murder", he said, "but we're hoping to 'have a rummage' through all bags by the weekend, and insurance claims can be filed soon after."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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