Written by KendoMonkey
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Topics: Death, Sexy

Tuesday, 17 February 2004

image for Death Ousted by Sexy Model
Come along laddy...we have some business to take care of

The very cornerstone of life as we know it, Death, has been kicked out of office by Lutrecia Martinez - an upcoming magazine model. Death is said to be "slightly devastated" by the news which he received via. SMS on his shiny new PDA.

"It's slightly devastating," quoth Death. "I mean, I've been looking over my shoulder for years and all the so called 'Pretenders-to-the-throne', like Lou Reed, have all turned out to be duffs. I thought I ruled supreme...but for this crazily sexy model."

Ms. Martinez is not available for comment as she had some urgent appointments with her beauty therapists. Quite how she intends to fulfill the role of Death is beyond any of us, including the man himself:

"I just can't think how she'll cope," Death commented. "I go around finishing off hundreds of thousands of people every day. I don't get any praise or thanks, and no-one ever comments on how shiny my blade is, or how high my cheek bones are. I have a feeling that I'll be back in office soon."

However, some commentators are tonight suggesting that Ms. Martinez may choose to use her incredible sexiness in order to "clean-up" the old folks. Our Death Correspondent opined:

"Well, she could just go around showing her hoo-haws to every old person she sees. That ought to see off most of them. If that doesn't work, a raunchy ad campaign will have them foaming at the mouth in outrage - that'll bring on the heart attacks. She may yet do well."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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