Written by Quorum of One
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Sunday, 8 July 2007

image for Live Earth sparks lively dispute
Cheers as The Police take the stage - the local police to announce that someone left their SUV's motor running.

An estimated 1.8 billion people attended or watched broadcasts of pop concerts in more than 500 venues around the world on July 6 as part of "Live Earth", a global music marathon organized by former US vice president Al Gore to raise awareness of carbon emissions and climate change.

The event was widely hailed as a major step forward in changing the public mindset toward the looming problem of pollution and its long-term effects. However, critics pointed out that the concerts themselves generated significant quantities of carbon emissions, due to fuel burned to transport performers and spectators, energy consumed by lights and amplifiers, etc.

The Live Earth Organizational Committee immediately countered that the critics themselves were emitting unnecessary pollutants by issuing their criticism, using electricity to broadcast their views, releasing vehicle exhaust traveling to television stations to make statements, etc.

The critics instantly replied that the organizers' issuing that announcement dumped 1.4 tons of carbon into the atmosphere, mainly through gasoline and electrical consumption linked to the press conference, and also used up the equivalent of forty mature trees' worth of paper.

The organizers promptly responded that in the time the critics have spent so far criticizing Live Earth they could have replanted 13 acres of rain forest or installed 351 solar home heating systems.

The critics swiftly riposted that this latest salvo from the Live Earth camp took enough time and manpower to organize 1.7 more awareness-raising concerts.

The organizers rapidly retorted, questioning why the critics were using this as an example if they were so all-fired against the freakin' concerts in the first place.

The critics rejoined posthaste, pointing out that, based on averages defined by an independent biology lab, during the time the organizers were formulating and communicating their latest counterattack, they assumably emitted an estimated 15.8 quarts of methane in the form of flatulent gas, enough to widen the hole in the ozone layer by an additional 31 square feet.

As of this writing the bitter polemic continues. Oddsmakers in Las Vegas, London and Macao are giving five to three that someone will make a feeble "hot air" joke within the next two exchanges. The quoted odds that the person making that joke will be a writer for The Spoof are four to twenty-five.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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