Written by Double Diamond
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Friday, 6 July 2007

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80's champion John McEnroe has been announced the winner of the 2007 Wimbledon's men's singles title.

In an unlikely outcome to the tournament, John (48), has been declared the winner, due to the amount of rain at this year's event.

The BBC, who have been playing non-stop re-runs of Johns glory days and titanic battles with Björn Borg due to it constantly pissing it down, suggested that as no-one was managing to get a game, John should be announced the winner, as he had had the most "Air time".

The Wimbledon organisers, under severe pressure to conclude the event this Sunday, and with an insurmountable backlog of games, decided that this was the ideal solution.

Upon being informed of the decision, the silver mop-topped legend looked to the sky and muttered "You cannot be serious", and commented that the foul weather was "The pits of the world".

If the decision proves popular, former women's champion Steffi Graf has also been muted as a stand in winner.

Organisers are also putting serious consideration into re-locating the championships to the middle of the Sahara desert, in a bid to actually complete a 2-week event without any rain.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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