Written by Jean Le Fete

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Topics: Iraq, al-Qaeda

Friday, 6 July 2007

image for New Al-Qaeda Recruits Demand Virgins "Before" They Die!
Al Quaida's New Recruits Demand Payment Up Front

In recent months Al-Qaeda's leaders in Iraq have had their worst fears come to pass, they are running out of people stupid enough to be suicide bombers and have had to resort to recruiting rodents.

However much to the chagrin of recruiters, the rodents are not easier to deal with. The new recruits aren't buying the old promise of 70 virgins after they die, they want their 70 virgins each up front!

This is of course not an easy demand to meet in a war zone and finding virgin vermin is even tougher. "We want our suicide bombers to be happy", said Quafing Bin Lately, the senior media relations officer for Al-Qaeda in Iraq, "But this 'up front' demand is tough for us. Rodent's do not like to hold on to their virginity, so we have tried to compromise and find 'almost virgins' or 'virgin like' females. We even rub them in virgin olive oil. Still we have problems with the recruits, they say we cheat them and they no want to blow themselves up any more, OY!!! What a pain in the butt!"

The new recruits are also difficult to work with since they cannot carry very much explosive, they must be taught to work in teams or packs. "You would think that rats would understand the "pack" concept, I've always heard about "pack rats", but they no like to work together! @#$$ They sometimes run back and blow up near us. This stinking war is going on too long for me man. 70 virgins each up front ha! They are dreaming."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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