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Topics: Terrorism

Thursday, 5 July 2007

image for Diverse Groups Join Forces to Weaken Terrorism
Careful now!

New York, NY (IP)- A diverse group consisting of the press, institutions of finance, and governments (PIGF) has joined forces to take the wind out of the sails of the international terror machine. In a rare victory for common sense these groups have agreed to virtually ignore acts of terror in much the same way a wise and patient parent would ignore the tantrums of a maladjusted toddler.

Take for instance, the impotent attempts made by bungling terrorists in London and Scotland and their failure to accomplish anything except to make people hate Arabs and Muslims more than ever. From now on, these acts will either be totally ignored by the press or simply reported as accidents. PIGF would thus take away the power of the terrorists by refusing to generate the publicity that the fanatics crave and depend on. The only injuries to come out of such activities would be to the feet of the terrorists as they stomp their smelly little feet on the aground and scream, "Look at me!!! Somebody look at me! WAHWAHWAHWAH!!!". Of course another possible injury would be second and third degree burns to the bungling baffoons but this is of no consequence.

Financial institutions and investors have also agreed that if any act of terrorism did come to the surface that there would be no hysterical sell off of stocks and indeed just the opposite would occur as markets everywhere would rally ten percentage points or more at the mere mention of terrorist attacks.

Governments are getting in on the attack of emasculating terror groups by restoring the Bill of Rights and all of the other rights of free people everywhere since they now recognize that the so called "patriot act" and similar "laws" actually empower and make acts of terror more successful than ever dreamed possible by the weaklings who plan and carry out these acts of cowardice against defenseless men, women, and children.

Another idea being studied is the threat to stop all immigration to the west by people who show their gratitude by behaving like uncivilized savages. This ungrateful behavior is much like inviting a guest over to your house for dinner and a sleep over and they thank you by defacating on your furniture, molesting the family dog, and setting the curtains on fire. Furthermore some are proposing that "Holy sites" and silly little religious icons would become the targets of low yield nuclear strikes if there should ever be another 9-11. Those who are afraid of the effects of radioactivity from such actions are reminded that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were both nuked during WWII and both are now thriving population centers and Japan is now best friends with America and they build the finest and most reliable cars in the world.

The public could get in on the act by remembering how their courageous British allies went about their business during the bombing of London by the Nazis during world WWII barely batting an eyelash nor flinching as the bombs fell here and there and even if their leg was blown off they would say, "Tis only a flesh wound - I've had worse and come back here and fight you pansy, I'll bite your knee caps".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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