According to research conducted by chocolate experts, a mouthful of dark chocolate ever day lowers blood pressure!
Researchers took forty five fat guys with extremely high blood pressure, held them in their own hotel clinic for a month and gave them a mouthful of dark chocolate every day. They then measured each subject's blood pressure every day.
Shockingly, the pressure went down every day, and by the end of the month, the pressure had dropped to almost the lowest in the country.
As compensation for their efforts, the men each got a voucher for a free liposuction at the Royal Alexandria Hospital in Glasgow. The reason this hospital was chosen is because the men are very likely to get blown up as their operation takes place. This, the scientist conclude, would result in severe and instantaneous weight loss.
One men was arrested while taking the course, as he was alleged to have planned the attacks on Saturday. When he refused to come out the bathroom for the police to take him away, one of the other fat men rushed to the door and slammed it down.
When asked about his motive, he said "I just need the toilet."