CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - The whole world was shocked by Dicktatur Bush's move to free "Scooter" Libby, but the move delighted his daddy, Satan. Satan is working hard to keep President Bush from being impeached, and Libby's freedom should help tremendously.
"No one knows how to bypass the Constitution like Libby," said Satan. "With Libby free, Bush should be able to declare himself dictator of the New World Order very soon. 'President' Bush badly needed the legal advice that 'Scooter' gives him. Who do you think wrote the National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive? Bush? Don't make me laugh. I hate laughing. Libby was a big help on the Patriot Act also. Between the two articles, all but one amendment to the Constitution have been rendered null and void. Congress has been bypassed. Now all that remains is for 'Scooter' to figure out how to get around military presence inside homes. I'm sure another 'terrorist attack' will cinch that one for them. People need the military in their homes so they can feel 'safe.'"
It's a dark day when the Lord of Darkness is made so happy by an act by the President of the United States. What will happen to freedom, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness now?
"Well, we still have to get rid of that Ron Paul fellow. He's been a thorn in our side for some time now. At least I got the Iowa Christian Alliance to keep him out of the debates. It made us look pretty bad, though, when more people showed up to his gathering than showed up to the debates to support all the rest of the candidates combined. That God is always trying to ruin my plans."