CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Ripley, WV - Superhero Cal-el mourned the death of fellow Superhero Captain Marvel today by standing in the microwave. He then placed a wreath on Captain Marvel's grave. Captain Marvel was assassinated when he was headed to court after refusing to sign the government's Superhero Registration Act, imposed by President Bush.
Cal-el narrowly escaped arrest yesterday when opposing the same act of the New World Order because the Nazi Republican Storm Troopers got the wrong address and, instead, badly abused a disabled elderly man. The rest of the American public also narrowly missed being "tagged" by the Real ID legislation that was attached to the immigration bill. Although Cal-el is resistant to bullets, it is thought that President Bush might have some Kryptonite stored at Gitmo in Guantanamo. Perhaps when the poor elderly man who was abused proves resistant to Kryptonite, they will let him go.
The Real ID Act and the Superhero Registration Act are a blight to the American Constitution and to Freedom, Truth, Justice, and the American Way. It's a shame that Cal-el's half-brother Kal-el (the other Superman) always forgets the Freedom part and has left out the American Way in his new film... the Commie Pinko Fag!