Islamabad - Al Qaida has announced that it will require drug testing for anyone who wants to join its organization. This move came after Al Qaida joined the Partnership For A Drugged Up Work Place.
Any member found to be free of substances such as hashish, opium, marijuana, LSD, cocaine, and / or meth will immediately have their heads lopped off. They also announced that members will now be required to attach onto their Toyota pick up trucks, bumper stickers with statements such as "things go better with coke", and "over 100 joints in my body but nothing to smoke", "feelin good in the neighborhood", its cool abdul", and other clever psychodelic psycho-babble.
Spokesperson Timmy Ackmed who sports a camo tie-die tee shirt, long hair, a beard, and blood shot eyes says its time to bring the organization into the twenty-first century.
There was immediate positive reaction in the Arab stock markets where hashish stock ( HSH ), and other stocks such as THC, 8LSD, OP8, MTH, and CCKE, all rose an average of 37 per cent. Sales of all mind altering drugs were up as well in local soccer stadiums where stonings and beheaddings were being conducted.
Getting stoned in Iran has a whole new meaning and indeed a whole new sport has emerged where people are buried in a hole up to their waists and the first person to get really wasted gets pulled out of the hole and receives 100 scratch off tickets where the prizes are drugs to help the contestant get his head right.
Here is a list of the Arab countries participating in the drug testing program: Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Jersey City, Jordan, Kuwait, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia and London.
George Bush is leaving for a tour of the forenamed countries and Air Force one will be followed there by a dozen empty military transport planes. Next to the door of Air Force one was a bumper sticker which reads, "If this plane's rockin don't bother knockin..."