Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 30 June 2007

image for Build An Ark, Says Weatherman
What a load of bull!

The recent unseasonal bad weather across the UK has prompted weather experts to offer some astounding advice to the public as a way of dealing with the conditions.

Former BBC weathermeister Sir Lord Michael Fish MBE, known in weather circles as 'the man who got it wrong', has predicted that the storms currently battering these shores may well continue for 40 days and 40 nights, and that, to remain safe, people should build an Ark.

Lord Fish was speaking in a pub near his home in Middlesex, and had consumed 'an amount of vodka'.

"Nevertheless", said local gardener Alf Senile, "he's not often wrong, you know!"

Sir Fish had told his listeners that, just like the Biblical flood, this one would almost certainly be "a big one", and they should "take a leaf out of Noah's book". They should, he said, collect two of everything and get on the boat.

Many areas of the UK were still under threat today, and Severe Weather Warnings have been issued. River levels are at an all-time high, and at such dangerous levels, they may never return to their former positions.

Mr Fish told his avid listeners:

"At least there's not a hurricane on the way!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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