Paris Hilton will be released from jail next Tuesday, June 26, Sheriff's spokesman Doc Holiday announced today.
However, authorities would not reveal the time when the convict heiress will be released.
76 of the assembled 879 paparazzi fainted on the spot. One died. However, until someone sticks him with a needle, nobody is quite sure.
Later in the day L.A. drug stores reported a run on Valium, Diazepam, Alprazolam (Xanax) by worried looking slimebags with multiple digital cameras, who have also been asking how to go without peeing.
The paparazzi fear this is a trick to release Hilton on Sunday or Monday.
President Bush's dog Barney broke off from under a table at an important meeting on health care to hold an impromptu press brief, and "Woof, woof -- woof, woof, woof -- Woof..ed"