Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 23 June 2007

image for Millennium Dome To Reopen In Bid To Curb Smokers' Angst
The Millennium Dome seen from space

The Millennium Dome, the 'blot on the landscape' of the Greenwich peninsula, and the subject of many a 'bar room titter', has been earmarked for reopening on the eve of the Public Smoking Ban, which is to take effect on 1 July 2007.

The Dome, which has been the laughing stock of London, and regarded as a waste of taxpayers' money since its inception in January 2000, is, for the first time, to be put to good use as a gigantic Smokers Room.

Fagash Lils from all over Britain will be free to puff on their cancer sticks 24 hours a day without fear of reproach from those lefty, pansy wetboys, the blight of the working classes, 'Non-smokers'.

Britain is, historically, a smoking nation, and those who do not want to be drenched in acrid nicotine gas are in the minority. However, the insidious and unstoppable moaning and groaning of these 'career complainers' has finally prompted the powers-that-be to impose the Smoking Ban which becomes Law from next month.

Smoking in public is forbidden, and even having a quick drag in one's own home will soon be deemed unsociable, but smokers have been given the opportunity to indulge their habit to the max, in the first purpose-built Death Centre at the Dome.

Organisers are expecting that smokers from all over the country will want to try out the facilities at the Dome. These include air-tight seals all around the building to prevent any smoke at all from escaping the site. This will mean that smokers will be able to enjoy 'Total Smoke', and die that much more quickly from this stupid habit.

Prime Minister-to-be, Gordon Brown, this morning told the Commons that more centres like the Dome would open next year all around the country if this one proved successful, and thousands of smokers died soon.

"It's a very good idea", he said "and if we can drastically reduce the NHS budget as a result of not having to treat these no-brainers with heart, lung and liver disease, it's got to be a winner!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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