Tel Aviv - (Ass Mess): The head of Mossad has told press reporters that he "nearly pissed himself laughing" at UK press stories that Pope Joseph Ratzinger will convert to Catholicism "within days of meeting with UK Prime Monster Tony Blair."
Meir Dagan, director of the Institute for Intelligence and Special Operations said that Ratzinger was a hardline KGB colonel "who loved dressing up in colorful flowing silks" and had learned Latin to hide his Nazi youth.
"But we found that youth hidden under his, where he was performing the kind of 'anointing with oils' not seen in public since Aleister Crowley initiated the Queen Mother into the arcane mysteries of the Order of the Golden Dawn".
Mossad has always insisted that Ratzinger and his Nazi superior officers had been hired by a White Russian child molestor cult that idolised the biblical god Moloch.
And that they in turn had been hired by Dich Cheney's paternal great-grandfather who made a packet building railroads in the American mid-West.
"Anytime we see the names 'Ratzinger' and 'Tony Blair' linked by the media to the headlines 'pontifical audience' we only think one thing: still shitting themselves about the murder of God's Banker Roberto Calvi.
"There aren't any cold war secrets that the Mossad hasn't cracked. And there's strictly no deal protecting Ratzinger, who we've waited to out for seventy years.
"And as for his son Putin, we shit on his picture every morning before Service meetings.
"You Brits and Yanks take these tossers far too seriously. Trust us, we pull the strings and not the CIA."