Vatican Shitty - (Ass Mess): In his sternest warning yet to the flock Pope Joseph Ratzinger has addressed road rage and traffic violations. A new set of ten driving commandments starts with a total ban on fellatio at the wheel, especially at road junctions and red traffic lights.
The papal 'Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road' orders drivers to belt up, stay sober and stop masturbating on inter-state highways.
The use of condoms in back-seat sex romps remains an excommunicable offense as does any same sex foolin' around on public thoroughfares.
Blasphemy, including taking the name of the Lord in vain when pulled up by the speed cops, means an immediate trip to the nearest confessional and a mandatory financial contribution to parish funds depelted by a spate of recent child sex predator compensation law suits.
Acts of murder on the public highway or in water-borne crafts such as on the River Thames in London where God's Banker Roberto Calvi was assassinated remain a grevious sin redeemable only via individually negotiated plea bargains secured by the Pontifical Office for World Class Whoppers.
Interestingly priests caught molesting minors at the wheel need only report the matter to their local bishop for a referral to conselling sessions. The mandatory three Hail Mary's for each grope or act of gross indecency remains as a penance prescribed by earlier papal encyclicals.
Members of Opus Dei may continue their priviledges of self-flagellation for minor traffic violations if caught by law enforcement officers. Otherwise a trip to the confessional remains standard practise.
Finally anybody caught defecating on the Popemobile faeces instant excommunication and their photograph published on the Vtican's webshite.
The new rules come into force today and will remain on the Papal statute book until the next incumbent of the Vatican chooses to amend or emend them.