Pyongyang, North Korea - In an entirely unsurprising vote on Monday, the North Korean people showed their unwavering support for President Kim Jong Il as they unanimously voted him "Sexiest Man Alive" in state-sponsored elections.
Speaking before the North Korean press in a room flanked by armed bodyguards, the dictator said, "I'm really quite surprised, though I agree completely with the voice of the people."
A cheer went up amongst crowds anxiously awaiting the results of the vote. Even the armed guards present at each poll and outside each voting booth were seen to smile, as those who weren't seen to smile were quietly lead away to enjoy a free vacation at one of Il's world-famous "fun camps," which feature exercise, seminars on "correct thinking," and an array of patriotism-inspiring activities. The camps are so fun, apparently, that no one has ever chosen to return from one.
North Korean citizen Pho Sho beamed as a soldier prodded him in the back with his rifle, saying, "Kim Jong Il is so sexy it scares me!"
This seemed to be the prevailing sentiment amongst the assembled masses, as repeated attempts to find any dissenters yielded none willing to claim they were sexier than their leader. Said Il, "All is as it should be."