Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 20 June 2007

image for Henri Paul Was Not Drunk, Says Witness
Could you guess his weight?

Henri Paul, the driver of the black Mercedes in which Diana Princess of Wales and her boyfriend Alfie Dodd were travelling when they were killed, was NOT drunk, according to French sources.

'Philippe', a Paris homosexual, claims that he was also in the car that crashed in the tunnel, but was relatively unhurt, and escaped in the pandemonium that followed.

He has made claims in a French newspaper that Henri Paul was, like himself, a rampant uphill gardener, and that, far from being drunk, he was as sober as a judge at the wheel of the car.

"But 'e wasn't exactly concentrating on what 'e was doing. 'E was playing games." said Philippe.

He explains how M. Paul was participating in a game of "Carnival", where one man sits on a second man's face, and then waits patiently for his weight to be guessed. Unfortunately, the game was not devised to be played whilst driving cars at speed.

M. Paul , says the bum bandit, lost control of the vehicle before he was able to establish Philippe's weight, and the Mercedes crashed into a pillar and demolished it. Philippe was thrown from the vehicle, but was able to make good his escape on the discarded motorcycle of a journalist who had been following the Princess.

French newspaper Le Merde published the story yesterday, and has passed the information on to police.

Mr Dodd's father, Mohammed Al Fayed said:

"I knew the Royal Family were involved in my son's killing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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