Tehran, Iran - (As Mess): Exterior Ministry officials in Iran have laughed off the knighthood awarded to Satanic Curses author Salman Rushdie as a typical knee-jerk gong award for services to Mossad.
"The whole world knows that Rushdie has been a high-up colonel in the Israeli security/intelligence service for the last thirty years and only got this daft gong because his partner Padma Lakshmi gave Prince Philip a blow job at the Trooping of the Color last year," an Exterior Ministry source said today.
"We're all laughing our heads off here in Tehran that such an obvious pratt as Rushdie ever managed to get selected to be a spook because quite frankly we think hje's a dumbass.
"Maybe your Mr Blair got a nice backhander from the Mossad bureau chief in London to make all this happen.
"Well bang goes his chance of getting the Iran vote for any UN post in the future.
"Iranians all over the world think you lot have gone completely stupid!"