In an effort to revive flagging revenues due to recent bad business investments and poor publicity, the Vatican announced today that the Catholic Church will begin selling indulgences. These "get out of jail free cards" permit the owner to get away with a variety of sins and not suffer moral responsibility or God's judgement.
Indulgences may be purchased on E-bay individually, in sets of a dozen, and in gift boxes. Packages are color coded so that the purchaser can easily see the severity of the sin permitted for each purchase.
If the internet sales are successful, the Pope has said that indulgences may soon be available for purchase on QVC network and in vending machines in bars, hotels, and airports. The bar and hotel versions will come packed with condoms as it is projected that these will be a needed convenience and save trips to the late night pharmacy.
Though not a Catholic, Bill Clinton siad he supported the idea and would have to buy a few dozen as soon as the bar package was available.
The Catholic Church Youth Groups have also created a student money raising package that can be sold door to door to raise money for teen functions and programs.
It should be noted that these indulgences are only excused by God, and will not stop anyone from being persecuted for violation of civil law (except in Mexico and all other Central and South American countries where the Catholic Church owns the governments).