Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Sunday, 17 June 2007

image for Irish Government to introduce prohibition
Bertie Ahern to introduce controversial Green law.

Ireland's newly elected government, a coalition between Bertie Ahern's Fianna Fail party and the Green Party have announced today that as part of the Green Party mandate a nationwide ban on all alcohol sales will come into effect from next Sunday at midnight.

Taoiseach Bertie Ahern addressing the Irish Parliament today said "It's unfortunate but the Greens were concerned about the amount of glass, aluminium and cork used in the production of the gargle and we needed them with us to stay in power so we compromised. On the positive side the savings to the health service will more than compensate for the many thousands of job losses that will inevitably follow."

Mass emigration is expected and security forces have been put on high alert fearing widespread violence and looting as the deadline for alcohol decommissioning comes closer.

Already supermarkets, off-licences and Pubs have been emptied of stock and cans of Guinness are selling for up to 50 Euro each on Dublin street corners.

What this will do to Ireland's Tourism trade remains to be seen as many tourists such as stag parties and Rugby fans would be unable and indeed unwilling to survive a full weekend without booze.

The Catholic church is expecting a flood of new priest as Communion wine is exempt from the ban.

Our reporter asked one regular in a Dublin pub what he thought of the new law.

"It's bleedin wrong." said Christy Donoghue "Everyone knows de liver is evil and has to be punished every day. What's next? A ban on shaggin? I'm movin to Glasgow"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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