KABUL (Internation Herald Tribunal) - NATO officials announced that they intend to reduce innocent Afghan civilian casualties by employing thousands of volunteer battering rams. After discussing a few different options with the host nation (including human cannonballs), this proposed tactic seems to be a "win-win" situation.
Skeptics insist that anti-coalition militants are wrong to use 'human shields'. By the same token, NATO should not be using 'human battering rams'.
Afghan lawmakers reluctantly agreed with the new policy during a shura (or council), based on the reduced chance for massive casualties when civilians are accidentally targeted.
"We sincerely hope that this helps to fix NATO's image problem in Afghanistan," emphasized ISAF Commander, General McNeill.