CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Corrupt Bastards Club voted overwhelmingly to impose Eminent Domain on intellectual property rights. It's not enough for them to take your property, they want your mind as well.
"Over the years, we've been discussing how we could grub even more money out of the unsuspecting public," said Paul Wolfowitz. "We've been tinkering around with piddly things like peoples' homes and property, but now it's about time we take their minds too. The Verichip implants should make the task even easier since we can now interpret brainwaves and take their ideas before they have a chance to patent them."
The only U.S. Congressional opponent to the Corrupt Bastards Club has been that awful rebel, Ron Paul, but that doesn't worry Wolfowitz at all.
"With his supporting stupid things like the Bill of Rights, the Constitution, and property rights, he'll NEVER get chosen in the Republican primaries," said Wolfowitz. "We've seen to it that all the other conservative Republicans have either been paid off, replaced by members of the New Nazi Republican Party, or had their lives ruined by the media. I'm not sure what drives this Ron Paul fella. He won't even take a bribe. I just don't understand the man."
Still, the Internet is buzzing with supporters of Ron Paul who hope that he can make a difference and stop the likes of Wolfowitz. The on-line polls have showed so much support for Ron Paul that the pollsters have started subtracting hundreds of points from Ron Paul, claiming that Paul's supporters are "spamming" the sites.
"Wolfowitz is one of our top gamblers," said the webmaster, "plus he owns a sizable piece of the action. If we don't do as he says, it's curtains!"
Wolfowitz immediately sent the webmaster to the hospital to have his Verichip implant adjusted.
"We can't have people speaking in that manner," said Wolfowitz. "People are starting to get suspicious."