Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 9 June 2007

image for David Beckham Acquires Fast Plane To Beat DVT
An SR-71 Blackbird

After a warning by health experts that making too many flights between Los Angeles and London could constitute a health risk, footballer David Beckham has acquired a rather novel mode of transport to deal with the problem.

Beckham, officially the richest dim person in the world, has moved into the aviation market, and bought an SR-71 Blackbird, officially the fastest manned jet-powered aircraft in the world.

Clocking in at mach3.3 (3.3 times the speed of sound), the Blackbird could get Beckham to London before he has even had time to say "Erm".
This, say specialist doctors, would greatly reduce the risk of Beckham suffering from Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT).

Beckham is thought to have paid more than $100million for the plane, which is more than he earns in a month, and the purchase is seen as a significant commitment to LA Galaxy who he signed for earlier this year. It had been thought that Beckham would milk the arrangement for a short period, and then return to play out the rest of his days at a Premiership club, but this now seems unlikely.

Speaking from Madrid yesterday, Beckham told reporters:

"Ar fink d' plane will go farst, innit. An' Posh likes the shops in LA."

Beckham was recalled to the England squad recently by beleaguered crap boss Steve McClanger, who is facing the axe.

The dim star has been trying to contact one of his Hollywood pals John Travolta for flying lessons. Asked for his comments yesterday, Travolta said:

"Oh shit!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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