Beverly Hills_ (Some guy) "I was just looking for the re-creation bathroom. I must have jerked open a closet door and said 'Jesus' - 'YES', a voice answered. It was a white haired man holding a mop or staff in his hands with a flickering light bulb around his head.
Are you Jesus? I inquired again, and he said yes, yes, Jesus. Are you with immigration? And I said NO, I'm not with integration. Then he touched me - ALL over."
"About forty-five minutes after, I came out with this rash and told Big Bertha. Then some men came and arrested Jesus. So I said 'Ouch' and they said did it hurt and I said that it did, so they let me go home. They gave me a nice ankle bracelet though, as a going away present."
So goes Paris Hilton's explanation of the extraordinary events the last nine and a half hours have brought forth. Immigration authorities that where called to arrest illegal alien and serial sex offender Jesus Hacienda, (working as a cleaner) said they are forever grateful to Ms Hilton for finding this monster for them. "It's not that we weren't trying", said IA Ed Techy, it's just we've got about 4600 Jesus Hacienda's to get though.
Asked if he thought Ms Hilton really did think it was THE Jesus, Mr. Techy said he did not know, but one thing he did know was that Jesus has a Middle Eastern background, and would have a great deal of trouble entering the U.S. at present. "He'd be better off to land somewhere in Europe at present", Mr. Techy said. Then apply for a U.S. Visa.
A friend of Paris Hilton's, who did not want to be named, said Paris was 'devastated' by the rash. "All the invitations she receives state in print that NO Rash - NO Pimples - or NO Entry. This is like, er, like Hiroshima was to the Javanese," she said.
Paris is resting at her $2million mansion with Tinkerbell, after shouting to paparazzi on her arrival home, "I'm not in the Big House anymore."
Good luck Paris.