An unemployed mechanic jumped on the Pope's Pope Mobile in an effort to secure the servicing tender. Fourteen Cardinals drew their Glock 33-shot semi-automatics and wrestled the man to the sacred ground.
"Don't worry..", a Vatican spokesperson said, "Those Glocks are not loaded, they have no bullets, it's just for show. Looks good on TV and as nobody knows they're not loaded, ain't no one going to mess with the Holy Father!"
The mechanic was apparently trying to circumvent the long tendering process to see who gets to service the 'Pope Mobile'. Strange as it sounds there is a considerable fortune to be had for changing the oil, keeping the dirty stuff, and selling it. How? Well, every weeping Virgin Mary statue in the world that performs a 'miracle' by crying oily tears... You got it. Straight from the Holy Pope Mobile.
You can literally make a fortune in the Philippines flogging the stuff.
Correction: In an earlier version of this story the headline, 'Unemployed Mechanic Humps Pope' was wrong. The mistake was made by a sub-editor.