Written by Lampros

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Topics: Economy, Republicans

Wednesday, 4 February 2004

image for Republicans unveil 2005-2008 immigration plan - chemical firms demand tax break
Soap volunteer Esmeralda Kovalez checking on her late husband

Saying the United States needs an immigration system "that serves the American economy and reflects the American dream," President Bush outlined a plan to revamp the nation's immigration laws.

"Over the generations, we have received energetic, ambitious optimistic people from every part of the world. By tradition and conviction, our country is a welcoming society," he said. "Well, not any more" the President emphasized.

"Our homeland will be more secure when we can better account for those who enter our country," he said. In his speech, the president called for a tightening o f border controls and the earmarking of new immigrants. "When I say earmarking, I literally mean earmarking". "Each new immigrant will be provided with a nice small plastic tag set to serve as an ID - and that will be for free, no charges ". Bush boasted.

Existing temporary workers - currently estimated at 8,000,000- will be presented with the opportunity to stay in the United States permanently. "Freedom is all about choice" said the President. "We offer two options. Temporary workers can either stay and work in nice cozy labor camps where they will be able to have food, free shelter and a decent pay of 0.5cents per hour - or volunteer for soap production" said the President.

"I oppose amnesty -- placing undocumented workers on the automatic path to citizenship," he said. "Granting amnesty encourages the violation of our laws and perpetuates illegal immigration. America's a welcoming country. But citizenship must not be the automatic reward for violating the laws of America - soap seems like a better reward to me" the President concluded.

Jonathan "Buck" Durningham,, spokesman for OCA (Organization of Corporate America), said the plan "appears to offer the business community full access to the immigrant workers it needs, while providing very little to the workers themselves". "How can we say no? You BET we back it". Durningham emphasized. "However, we are still in negotiations with the government regarding our request for a state subsidy and tax benefits granted to chemical firms if the immigration plan gets the green light." " The excess supply of soap will definitely bring prices down hurting our bottom lines. Shareholders will be not happy and will have to be compensated somehow" Durningham demanded.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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