CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Prague - In a meeting with Russian leadership two days before the "scheduled" meeting in Germany, President Bush addressed the Russian leaders, commenting on their human rights violations.
"I was a big fan of Russia's human rights violations in the past, but Mr. Putin has given Russians more rights than I allow MY little people. What happened to good ol' Russian opression like in thuh ol' days? Yer makin' me look bad. Ya' don't have ta' worry about are Eurapeein missle shields," said Bush. "We're on yer side. In fact, we want to oppress MORE peeple. We wanna' oppress peeple all over the WORLD."
Putin shouted back calling Bush an imperialist dictator and compared President Bush's administration to the Third Reich. Even the Russian leader thinks Bush is an arrogant, selfish power grabber.
"The cold war is over," the president declared. "It ended. The people of the Czech Republic don't have to choose between being a friend of the United States and a friend of Russia. You can be both."
"You just can't get it through that thick skull of yours, can you? We don't WANT to be friends with a power hungry, money grabbing dictator who oppresses everyone," said Putin.
"Come on, Vladamir, ol' buddy. Let's go somewhere private where I kin make yoo an offer," said Bush.
Mr. Kasparov, who isn't up on his recent U.S. history and didn't realize that President Bush's daddy was the head of the CIA said, "If Bush hopes to gain anything by having private discussions with Putin, he's wrong. Putin thrives in an atmosphere of secrecy. He's a K.G.B. spy - anything behind closed doors gives him an advantage."
President Bush said, "That's whut I'm countin' on. A little comradery between spys. I rekun we kin make sum kinda' deal. Besides, I need one last gay affair before I git married to Toni Blare."