Rome - (Ass Mess): According to highly reliable law enforcement sources Pope Joseph Ratzinger is said to be shitting himself today as all five suspects in the God's Banker murder trial were acquitted by a Rome jury that is rumored to have been paid off by ex-Italian Prime Monster Silvio Berlusconi and his UK fraud partner David 'Dark Satanic' Mills, not-so-estranged husband of Culture Secretary Tessa Jowl.
The five suspects had all endured a gruelling investigation into who covered up the 1982 London murder and subsequently framed them over the P2 Lodge's robbery of its very own bank - the Vatican Bank - and caused the $400 million bankruptcy of the Banco Ambrosiano, a related money laundering institution run by Calvi.
The five freed defendants have now been overheard saying that Ratzinger framed them to cover-up what they knew about him poisoning Pope JP2's predecessor, Pope JP1, who reigned for 30 days before a lethal cocktail of communion wine, arsenic and strychnnine sent him on an early trip to the Pearly Gates.
Suspects' ringleader and chief honcho of the P2 Lodge Licio Geli said today:
"Da feckin' bastardo Ratzi. We getta him, good and propa. We no like da Hitler Youth papa who banged us up in jail. Get ready to meet your maker!"