Washington D.C. - At the upcoming G-8 summit in Heiligendamm, Germany, President Bush and and Russian President Vladimir Putin have set aside an evening that they claim will settle a number of sensitive issues separating the two countries.
The two world leaders have agreed to let a drinking game decide major policies in both countries, with the winner setting the agenda.
Thursday night, Bush and Putin will meet at the Schlongdangle Beer Garten to play "Kiss My Ass," a local drinking game. The rules of the game require each contestant to drink a shot of vodka and do a push-up within a minute. The game continues until one person cannot get up off the floor. The loser must publicly kiss the rear end of the winner within the following week.
President Bush sounded optimistic. "In college I used to play a game like this every weekend. I won more than I lost. I'm working on a boil on my ass just to give Dr. Zhivago something to concentrate on when he kisses it." Putin was equally confident. "Vodka is our national drink. I will have Bush puking like a sick baby before it is all done. And when he kisses my ass, I shall release gas that will make him sick again."
Both men scoffed at world leaders who have called the contest 'childish' and 'undignified.' Mr. Bush said, "Hey, this is an opportunity for me to do something I'm really good at." The Russian president remarked, "It was this or nuclear war. So we drink."