Washington DC - (Ass Mess): President Bush is reported to be feeling 'very tetchy' amid CIA reports that Russian president Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin is to wear his newly acquired surgically-attached penis extension for the first time to the G8 meeting this week in Heiligendamm, Germany.
Sources close to the White House say that Putain intends to 'frighten Bush' with this new extension during a man to man chat over the urinals in the men's room at the G8 hotel.
The penis extension debut has long been suspected by US security sources and much recent US-Russian arms race posturing has been deemed to be a secret coded front for covering up the sheer audacity of the Putin move.
Some former cold war experts have described it as a truly hideous tribal gesture in the continuing arms and narcotics turf wars between the two family-run crime cartels.
"Luckily for the US," a Capitol Hill source said today, "it's just too darned late for Bush to retalliate this time by getting one sewn on himself to rival the Putin phallus.
"But we sure would like to know what Blair managed to stitch together during his tours of those sex aid clinics in Africa last week."