Written by Doug Powers
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Topics: Alcohol, Poland

Monday, 2 February 2004

image for Decline in German alcohol consumption marks continued good news for Poland
Thing of the past: A German student funnels beer, makes neighboring countries jittery

A recent study found that German consumption of alcohol was dropping dramatically, making older people in surrounding countries with long memories a little more comfortable.

German beer consumption in 2002 fell by 3.4 percent, which means that there were approximately 150 less people getting shnockered and going to Berlin to try to rebuild the wall.

"A decline in alcohol consumption means a nicer, and far less aggressive nation", according to Dr. Helga Gunterstaag, of the "Helsinki Commission on the Relationship Between Blootered Morons and Senseless Wars."

"Even wine can mess you up and make a neighboring country frightened, so we suggest Germans stay away from that as well." The doctor continued, "Like we say here at the Commission, 'If you don't pick up the Rhine and drink it, you won't pick up a gun and cross it.'"

The fall of alcohol consumption by Germans shows no sign of letting up.

"Whew!" Said a spokesperson for Poland.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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