FIFTH CIRCLE OF HELL (AP Newsliar) -- Deposed Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, executed on December 30, 2006 for crimes against the people of Iraq, has been selected for a new role as Satan's official court jester.
Says the Prince of Darkness: "I chose Saddam for this job because I think there's a certain poetic justice about it. George Bush thinks he got the last laugh on Saddam, but now Saddam will be making us all laugh for the rest of eternity. It's really rather ironic, don't you think? Just like that Alanis Morissette song. 'It's like raaaaeeeeaaaaiiiiiiinnnnn, on your wedding day'..."
"He's actually a pretty funny guy," Satan adds. "He really hams it up for the new arrivals, you know, the jokes, the juggling, the mugging around, he really makes them think Hell is like this fun amusement park place. The look of shocked betrayal on their faces when they suddenly get dumped in the lake of fire and ass-raped by giant lava-breathing satyrs -- it's just priceless."
When asked how he likes his new job, Saddam replied: "Beats hell out of hiding in a fucking spider hole, dunnit? Of course, it's too bad that whole 72 virgins thing didn't pan out. That would have rocked."