Helmand Province, Afghanistan (Early Bird Current News) - In a desperate attempt to regain control in Afghanistan, the Taliban are claiming Mullah Nasruddin as their top replacement for the recently-deceased Mullah Dadullah.
"After a lengthy interview process, Nasruddin really just stood head and shoulders above the competition", proclaimed a senior Taliban spokesman.
When reached for comment, Mullah Nasruddin's donkey responded: "Attacks against American puppets will continue -- specifically Elmo from Sesame Street. We cannot tolerate him. We especially disapprove of his 2002 testimony before the U.S. Congress supporting increased funding for music education in schools."