Written by Cal Jennings
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Thursday, 31 May 2007

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CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Last night, President Bush signed into law the National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive, National Continuity Policy, which gives him dictatorial powers.

The release, which can be found at National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive has been mysteriously absent from the "liberal media."

Why should the media publish it anyway? No one cares about what the president is doing. People are much more concerned about real issues like Tom and Katie's relationship, who will replace Rosie O'Donnell, the Miss Universe pageant, Lindsay Lohan's car crash, and Paris Hilton doing time.

President Bush presented this document as a prelude to declaring Marshall Law. Among the items in the document are,

(b) "Catastrophic Emergency" means any incident, regardless of location, that results in extraordinary levels of mass casualties, damage, or disruption severely affecting the U.S. population, infrastructure, environment, economy, or government functions;

Now President Bush can declare anything that he considers a disruption a "Catastrophic Emergency." Sources say that the first Catastrophic Emergency he will name will be TheSpoof.com. The president feels that TheSpoof.com is highly disruptive to his administration.

(c) "Continuity of Government," or "COG," means a coordinated effort within the Federal Government's executive branch to ensure that National Essential Functions continue to be performed during a Catastrophic Emergency;

This will give President Bush the power to use all means at his disposal to shut down TheSpoof.com and detain and torture the writers and editor.

(e) "Enduring Constitutional Government," or "ECG," means a cooperative effort among the executive, legislative, and judicial branches of the Federal Government, coordinated by the President, as a matter of comity with respect to the legislative and judicial branches and with proper respect for the constitutional separation of powers among the branches, to preserve the constitutional framework under which the Nation is governed and the capability of all three branches of government to execute constitutional responsibilities and provide for orderly succession, appropriate transition of leadership, and interoperability and support of the National Essential Functions during a catastrophic emergency;

The "coordinated by the President" means that he can dictate the parts of the Constitution that he wants to follow. That way he will be free to disregard freedom of the press when arresting the members of TheSpoof.com.

The document goes on and on spelling out his supreme power over the government and the people of the United States. This is the biggest attack that President Bush has made on TheSpoof.com yet! Mark Lowton, put up the shields. When President Bush buys the title of "King of England" from Tony Blair, he intends to extend a similar document to the people of England. It's amazing what President Bush will do to impress his future wife, Tony Blair, whose wedding will be covered exclusively by TheSpoof.com if President Bush hasn't shut it down by then.

When Cal Jennings asked the president how he wanted to be addressed, Bush replied, "I'm the dictatur guy. I make the decishuns. I'm the decishun maker."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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