Following the case of a US man who is suing IBM for $5m in a wrongful dismissal case after he was fired for visiting adult internet chat rooms while at work, masturbation will now be reclassified as "self-medication."
James Pacenza, 58, claims that as an addict of online chat rooms, his bosses at IBM should have offered him sympathy and treatment and possibly provided a room instead of firing him.
The Vietnam War veteran says he has suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder since 1969 and masturbates regularly in the office where he used to work to blot out painful memories. He was sacked after a colleague complained that her papers were always stuck together.
In a landmark ruling a judge has now asked that big companies provide "wanking" rooms alongside "smoking" rooms, although the "wanking" rooms may have to be mixed sex until separate sex cubicles can be erected.
As masturbation will now be classed as "self-medication" prostitutes will also be promoted to "auxiliary nurse" status. Work related stress will also be addressed by adding special masturbation couches to boardroom meetings.