Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 21 May 2007

image for Cutty Sark Adds To Global Warming Threat
The Cutty Sark yesterday, not today

The Cutty Sark which is still on fire, could pose a threat to the world's climate through increased Global Warming, it has been claimed. The ship, which was undergoing a £25million refit with a view to being put back into service, burnt to a cinder in the early hours of this morning.

The 138-year-old tea clipper glowed like a beacon, and could be seen from as far away as Dudley in the West Midlands. Fire crews who attended the blaze, said that they were alerted by a member of the public who 'just happened' to be passing by. Edward Arson, 24, of Greenwich, said:

"I heard cries of "Fire in the hold! Fire in the hold!" and realised it was a job for the fire services."

Police, who had initially suspected al-Qaeda involvement, led him away after finding an empty paraffin can and matches near to where he was standing.

Professor Simon Fiction of the Global Warming Worrying Commission, said:

"This could have serious implications for the climate of our planet. On the other hand, it probably won't."

Despite claims by some Cutty Sark Enterprises executives that the ship could be restored, Council workers used brushes to sweep away the last few remaining bits of charred wood into the River Thames for one last voyage.

Dr Eric Kentley, curatorial consultant to the Cutty Sark Trust, told reporters:

"Shiver me timbers! She's a goner, me hearties! Ooo-arr!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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