Michael Mansfield QC has today announced that he has appointed renowned sleuth Miss Marple to head the inquest into the deaths of Diana Spencer and Dodi Al Fayed.
Following the failure of several well-spoken woolley-headed old dears to get to the bottom of the basics of the case he has made it known that he feels a woolley-headed old dear with a razor sharp mind might be a more appropriate appointment.
Diana's butler, media star Paul Burrell, today also hinted that Diana asked him to deliver a mysterious note to Miss Marple just minutes, or possibly hours, or maybe years, before her death. When asked what message the note contained Burrell shed several tears and looked pained before replying that the Queen had taken the note from him before he had a chance to steal it, but that he may write a book revealing the contents later.
Following heated exchanges between Mr Mansfield and Lady Butler-Sloss, who previously headed the enquiry before revealing that she hadn't got a clue how to head an enquiry at all, a stone slab was dislodged directly over lady Butler-Sloss' Morris Minor smashing the windscreen. Strangely, the incident happened only fourteen years after lady Butler-Sloss sold the car, "Another fourteen years and five minutes later and I could have been killed!" she gasped.