CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Bin Laden was evicted from his hideout at the Crawford Ranch because President Bush fears that Tony Blair will become jealous when Bush and Blair marry. President Bush isn't taking any chances with his new love.
"Toni's the love uv mah life, and I ain't takin' no chances. A bird in the bush is worth two in the hand," said the president. "Besides, mi amigo Osama was just freeloadin' anyway. He drank all my beer and snorted all my cocaine. Now he can sniff some sand back in Afghanisville."
"I can't believe he evicted me," said Bin Laden. "I gave him 20,000 barrels of oil for that cocaine. Death to America!"
The eviction caused the world to find out that Bin Laden is still alive and well. He said that he was keeping a low profile to keep from embarrassing President Bush.
"He may have evicted me, but I still consider him mi amigo. I learned that in Texas from an illegal Mexican immigrant who was doing George's landscaping," said Bin Laden.