London - (Ass Mess): Whitehall sources have confirmed today that the so-called G8 is not a formal political or economic organization of any kind whatsoever but a loose bunch of megalomaniacal mobsters who have found a way of by-passing UN accountability by grouping themselves around a spurious acronym accredited with bona fide authority to do what ever it damned well pleases.
This year's G8 meeting is being held in the German town of Bad Doberan's Heiligendamm resort where the most famous honorary citizen until last week was Adolf Hitler.
In keeping with post-World War II traditions municipal authorities have gone to great lengths to reconstruct a Berlin Wall type of atmosphere by erecting a 10m tall, 13-km-long fence to keep anti-humbug protestors out of earshot.
But some overtly politicised groups are saying the barbed wire enclosure will be more reminiscent of a Nazi concentration camp and that this would be a good opportunity for the cops to round up all those mobster cartel heads of state and use one of the European extraoridinary rendition flights made famous by the CIA to ship the whole lot off to an appropriate interrogation center prior to a war crimes tribunal in the Hague.
"This will be the biggest ever gathering of the descendants of Hitler, Stalin, Oswald Mosely, Pius XII, Baron Redesdale, Rasputin and Lord Haw Haw ever seen under one roof," one political historian said today.
"I'm in favor of rounding them all up including the wives, minders and BP-sponsored rent boys before a reality TV type of public spectacle showing them all being dragged off in manacles to face the music."
No prizes for guessing which tune that may be playing but the 'Jerusalem' refrain of 'Dark Satanic Hills' comes to mind.
Tessa Jowl is one fat slag.