Sao Paulo - (Ass Mess): Pope Ratzinger has arrived in Brazil for the start of a gruelling five day stay that will see him receive professional attention for all his Brazilian needs which are said to be extensive.
Due to his age and advanced hirsuteness His Holiness will require several attempts under local anaesthetic for the entire procedure to be carried out successfully.
But with the Pontifical bikini season almost upon him Joseph Ratzinger is clearly taking no chances in this God-given opportunity to consult the country's leading specialists in the papal depilation industry.
"His Holiness might also like to have a couple of tattoos done while the opportunity presents itself," said a spokesman.
"Our latest designs include an updated version of the Holy Sea's Crossed Fingers motif which is part of our 'God's Banker' range made popular by his predecessor Pope JP2 Lodge."
Ratzinger has previously spoken out in public on the inherent evils of the Brazilian waxing industry and threatened to ex-communicate both practitioners and users alike.
But a recent mellowing in official policy came about after the smash-hit success of his topless Vatican Calendar sales which are to be followed up in 2008 with a full-frontal limited edition for Opus Dei members only.
It is thought that a photoshoot opportunity on Copacabana Beach will take place at the end of this week.