Dublin, (Rootarse) The charismatic U2 pop sensation, front man and hat owner, Bono, has declared to spearhead an incentive to correct what he terms "An outrageous miscarriage of justice!"
His intention is to have the fantastic celebrity Paris "be thy name" Hilton, pardoned of any wrong doing ever, now or in perpetuity on this planet or anywhere else in all of the good lords creation.
Bono said "If she goes down man, that's it for me, I am just gonna top myself, so will Adam and the boys. I am in the process of calling every number in my celebrity little black book to get everyone I know to do them selves in if Paris is put away behind bars"
Sir Bob Geldof echoed Bonos sentiments by saying "I really don't know how the world is going to handle not having her spread across all the papers and magazines for 45 days. Me personally, my life will just not be worth living and I know Nelson Mandela feels the same, we have entered into a suicide pact, me, Nelson, Kofi Annan and Bill Gates are all going to throw ourselves off the UN Headquarters along with anyone else who wants to join us, if they are famous enough of course. Lets face it I aint gonna kick the bucket with a bunch of fcuking nobodies"
The initial intention was to put on a music show like Live Aid, but it was decided that no one really cares about the issues behind such events and it is just about the music and celebrity back slapping.
That is when Bono came up with the idea of the celebrity suicide pact.
"As many celebrities as we can cram on to the roof of the UN building, to leap to their deaths, if they harm so much as one perfectly formed hair on Paris Hiltons head" ranted Bono
"I had to take this stand, this is so much more important than a bunch of darky kids in the arse end of nowhere. I mean, what do they do to make our lives any better? Fcuk all! That's what! Now Paris on the other hand, is a beacon of light and hope to all ugly, fat, boring, lifeless sacks of meat that drag their unworthy, filth ridden carcases through their mundane lives on a daily basis. She gives us something to think about other than what cretins we are. Well, not me of course. I mean you lot out there, reading this horse shit"