CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington D.C. - Chevron, the second-largest American oil company, is saying that it should have known kickbacks were being paid to Saddam Hussein on oil it bought from Iraq.
The kickback deal was part of a defunct United Nations program, investigators claim. In a report released in 2004 by an investigator at the Central Intelligence Agency listed five American companies that bought oil through the program: the Coastal Corporation, a subsidiary of El Paso; Chevron; Texaco; BayOil, and Mobil, now part of Exxon Mobil.
"It was cheaper to invade his country and have him assassinated than to keep paying him kickbacks," one big oil spokesman commented. "Why should we keep paying a third world dictator when we could just as easily have him killed?"
When CalJennings asked if they felt any remorse for all the men and women who have died in the Iraq War, the oil spokesman replied, "You've got to be KIDding. We're ROLLING in dough now. What's a few hundred thousand innocent poor people when you can make THIS kind of money. You should see the kickbacks we're getting from weapons contractors!"
CalJennings asked the spokesman if there were plans against other small countries. The reply was, "Small, big... what's the difference? As long as we keep paying Bush to back the nuclear development program to keep us in the lead, we'll do whatever we want."