Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Topics: Drugs, Cocaine, Subway

Monday, 7 May 2007

image for Subway sack worker over sharing Coke, Transport systems worldwide strike in protest. Markets in freefall.
New Zealand Subs are proudly non Nuclear

A worker at a Subway restaurant in Dunedin New Zealand has been sacked for sharing her complimentary diet Coke with a friend, sparking worldwide travel chaos as underground train systems immediately went on strike and have refused to return to work until the sandwich maker Jackie Lang is reinstated.

Subway systems in New York, London, Tokyo, Paris and major cities globally ground to a halt as disgruntled drivers walked away from trains leaving cities paralyzed and workers unable to get to and from work.

After a meeting with management ending in Jackie Langs dismissal, Ms Lang filed a personal grievance claim, the Subway Franchise called in the police and had her charged with theft of a Coke worth $NZ4.

London underground Union representative Lez E Git told the spoof

"We will always support downtrodden Subway workers where ever they may be, we have to show these bastard corporations that the workers cannot be oppressed and anyway the weather forecast for the next few days is excellent"

The cost of the New Zealand Coke sharing debacle now stands at $7,890, Trillion dollars and rising by the minute.

George.W.Bush, Tony Blair and Australia's John Howard have all made personal phone calls to the franchisee urging him to reinstate Ms Lang in a bid to avoid global economic meltdown, stock markets the world over have crashed people have begun to hoard food and provisions.

New Zealands glamour girl Prime Minister Helen Clarke issued a statement saying
"I lost 57 pounds on the subway diet, just look at my svelte new shape"

Dunedin Subway Franchisee Rob Nicol said

"I dont give a rats arse, we warned her 3 weeks ago when she put extra meatballs in her friends sub and we have to abide by company policy, as far as I'm concerned they should lock her up and throw away the key"

New Zealand Director of Public Prosecutions Mick Tackanacahaka confirmed

"We will be pushing for the death penalty"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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